Is There Such a Thing as a Healthy Divorce?
Everyone seems to be interested in living a healthier lifestyle. Eating right and getting exercise are certainly important to living a healthy life but health professionals are now finding that the quality of a person’s relationships are also important to a healthy live style. Could it be possible that getting a divorce might be on the list of things to do for a healthier life?
Many people live for years in unhappy situations because they fear the consequences of a divorce. Most people don’t talk much about the constructive side of divorce. Often people find a new life purpose, have less stress, and live healthier lives once they have decided to make this major change in their life.
Divorce is considered to be unhealthy.
While there are statistics to show that divorced women have a greater risk of heart disease and men are more likely to commit suicide, this information should not be taken at face value to indicate that the healthiest thing to do is to stay in a miserable marriage. There is a plethora of studies that show that individuals and their children do not fare much better if they are living in a confrontational or dysfunctional home.
There is good news!
Psychologist Robert Emory has found that families who do a better job managing divorce are more resilient and can avoid damaging consequences. A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association indicates that divorcing families who participate in preventative programs do better over all.
With the right counseling – legal, financial, and emotional — divorce can actually be a healing process for a family!
The collaborative law process helps families heal.
Collaborative divorce handles the split out of court and provides the couple with a range of professional support. Both get their own attorneys. Both lawyers promise never to take the divorce to court. Individual coaches also help the couple deal with high-voltage emotions. A child development specialist is the “voice of the kids”. An impartial financial consultant helps the couple and their lawyers devise more creative solutions than even the most Solomon-like judge ever could.
Collaborative Divorce is already making waves. It has earned the approval of judges and attorneys who are looking for a way to help struggling families and unclog the family courts. “Court is the last place we should be resolving family conflict,” says California Superior Court judge Donna Hitchens. “It’s not helpful, it doesn’t solve these problems, it’s expensive, and it puts the family into poverty.”
A Minneapolis divorce attorney started the movement towards collaborative law divorces. A Louisiana family court judge began a pilot program in his state. This model provided for a team approach which included financial and mental health specialist in addition to the attorneys. There are now over 7,000 collaborative law practitioners in North America and 9,000 worldwide.
Is collaborative divorce right for you?
Collaborative law requires two people working in good faith. It is not for people who use divorce for retribution and those with a long history of abusive behavior or certain mental illnesses. Pauline Tessler, a leading authority and trainer in collaborative divorce states that “collaborative divorce can move people toward a happy ending – one that is kindler and gentler for the kids, and a lot healthier for soon-to-be exes.”
If you are contemplating divorce you owe it to yourself, your spouse, and your children to explore collaborative divorce or its alternative, divorce mediation.
Karin E. Quirk